Twins FAQ

When you have twins, you get a lot of questions from people. Here are the most common ones...

1 - Are they identical?

Yes. My son and daughter are identical twins... except he has a penis and she doesn't. That and they don't really look alike. Other than that... they're identical.
(They're fraternal. Boy-girl twins can only be fraternal. A lot of people do ask though! -P)

2 - What do you do when they're both crying?

Curl up in the fetal position in the corner and join in the crying. Make a special adult-only bottle with special Jose Cuervo formula. (For a more detailed and realistic answer - see Pauline's post below.)

3 - Do you get much sleep?

Come on! I have two twins who are only 2 1/2 months old... what do you think!?! If I got a lot of sleep would I be writing sarcastic answers to all these questions? Well... probably - BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT!!

4 - Are they chick magnets?

Yes, for about 5 minutes. Then the novelty is gone and the ladies move on.

5 - Twins! You're sooooo lucky!

That's not even a question!

6 - Are you going to make your twins Twins baseball fans?

HA! You are clever. Maybe you could do the old joke "Bueller.... Mueller... Mueller...." (Ferris Bueller's Day Off) in your best Ben Stein voice. No one has ever done that before!

7 - Are they expensive?

The average kid born in the early 21st century to a middle class American family will cost about $200,000 to raise before they reach 18. That doesn't even include college costs. The big question is this - is it a loan or a gift. That will largely depend on how they act in the teenage years. ;-)

8 - Are you going to turn them into right-wing-Vikings-loving-free-market-supporting-Regan-conservatives?

I'll give it my best shot. Packers suck. So do tax hikes.

9 - Are you going to have more?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahhahahahahahaha

*whew*

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehee

God that's funny... more kids... hehhehahahahahahhehehehahahuuhuhuhuh.

I think the phrase I'm looking for is "Not a chance in hell". We're done.

But just in case we get a "little gift" no one was expecting - I've already made Pauline promise me that we could name a 3rd child Yoda.

Hey, I had to give up on naming these two Luke and Leia Skywalker. I mean, that would have been perfect! They're brother and sister twins... I'm a Star Wars nut... I already had lightsabers ready for them!

Oh wait... I've already said too much. I'm going to go before I get into any more trouble.

- J